It was a sunny Thursday morning. With no early meetings to get up in the dark and no lengthy afternoon meetings to dread, I was driving leisurely to work with cool, crisp, autumn air blowing into the car. At a stop light, I checked email. There it was. His mother passed away last night.

Before that Thursday, the news about Steve Jobs was plastered all over the web.

Once in a while, when you think everything is peachy, when you think you re-gain control of your life, when you think you are safe and protected and maybe even…invincible. Death bestows itself upon you to kick things out of balance. You are reminded of the ephemerality of life. You are reminded that death is not waiting at the end of the road, rather it walks among us.

The first time I watched Steve Jobs’ speech many years ago, I remembered, “Stay hungry, stay foolish.” Watching it again after the news of his death, his words on life and death resonate even more.

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

Friday morning, waking up from a restless sleep and thinking about all the sad news in the past week, I felt a little lost and unconfident of decisions I made in life right now.
I had to ask myself if I let unimportant things cloud my judgements and choices. The even harder question is what desires are quietly, and unknowingly driving me? Am I going down the right path?

The phone rang when I was having that fruitless conversation. I should have picked up the phone to join the other conversation instead of pursuing a losing argument.
I let the eager to win overrule the need to make the right choices for the right people. Now, that conversation didn’t solve anything, and the person I should talk to instead flew back and we never got to talk. If I stopped and reasoned with myself, I would have done it differently. But I pressed on…letting the foolish passion to win blind me.

Being an expecting mom for six months, I did not make the right adjustments or any adjustments at all. I am not paying attention to what’s important in life. I think I am simply lugging around the extra belly while trying hard to still keep up with my formal lifestyle and routine because I can’t let things go. I want it all and don’t want to give up anything. I am ignoring the fact that I need to make a choice now.

Life it short. I can’t do it all. I need to make a choice, and select what’s important to me.

If more women would gave themselves more credit, more confidence, more self-respect….
We could easily take over the world from the weaker species….

Ugh!

肚子里快六个月的小宝宝正好用了早就起好的名字贾小布。
贾小布出现于网络很久了。从2000年开始，就一直是我们两个共用的小号。从早期论坛的灌水掐架到近期social netowork的偷菜一直都能看到他的身影。
没想到，贾小布终于在我们布婚的这一年有了肉身。真的很凑巧。

结婚两周年没有资格谈经验。婚姻绿卡政府都要等三年才发正式卡呢。
目前只能说我觉得婚姻既然是生活的一部分，和人生的道理就是差不多。
就好像上几周纪念911十年。回顾一下人生，就发现没有过不去的坎儿。当时觉得多难多不可能多么遥不可及的事情，只要坚持，就能迈过来，就能垂手而得。

重要的是，坚持什么。
当然是自己的心。

直觉是最会能屈能伸。 重视它，它便会发出强烈的感受。忽略压抑它，它就模糊不清。好好对待直觉，坚持什么，就不再是问题的。因为答案时刻在那里等着呢。很多矛盾，犹豫，徘徊，就是以外力和直觉去抗争。培养它跟随它，就能坚持住自己的心，跟随自己的心。

2010 第一年 纸婚
第一年是纸婚。我们当时不知道，于是送了对方iTouch。
周年那天，是周四。匆忙的来去，没有好好纪念。这是结婚周年纪念日前一个周末的照片。放这里，做第一个流年的代表。

2009 新婚
苏州婚纱，南昌婚礼，庐山参团，杭州度假，大连答谢。整个过程历时四个星期。

婚礼都是忙乱的，而杭州西湖最好玩。
柳岸闻莺橘子酒店西泠印社苏堤白堤，还有灵隐寺外婆家冬瓜茶。
可惜没去成龙井茶园。灵隐寺也没呆够。
最感人的是凌晨六点路边诚意送金桂的童鞋啊。

2008 订婚
2008年某周末，我看完了一个网络小说叫山楂树之恋。 之后，决心两个人在一起。

2001 最早的合照
我结婚之后吃洪飞做的饭，就开始胖。一直怪在他身上。有天洪飞突然兴奋的拿着这张照片给我看。说你看。你还赖我。你以前脸就很大。
我只能说，那是稚气未脱的婴儿肥。到我24，5岁就完全退去了。30岁结婚之后来袭的，是另外一种肥胖。唤做新城代谢减慢肥。

合照的时候我21，洪飞25。我婴儿肥洪飞民工瘦。
我们两个还经常各穿着硕大的蓝色T－shirt出门。一个是加菲猫一个是大力水手。多年后听说，被人评论为“巨难看的情侣衫”。

Lately, we have been getting patches of fog in the mornings that will hang around until after noon. By the time I leave for work, plants are still ornamented with visible dew.

Today the clouds moved in and stayed all day. We even had a few drizzle of rain falls in the morning.

Is summer really gone?

It is usually a steep step from summer to autumn. The temperature drops over night and next thing you know….its scarves, sweaters and Uggs season already. (OK. that was inaccurate. the Uggs never really left us completely even during summer….)

I like the change. The dazzling sun breaks the world into brightness and shadow, blazing air and cool shade.
But the overcast has a similar blending effect as snow that casts a shade of grey on everything and muddling the boundaries from earth to sky and everything in between.

I felt comfortable enveloped in this grey, wet air.

I had lab duty that morning which meant I needed to be at the lab door with keys in my hand at 8am sharp to let students rush in, print out their homework, and rush out to be late to their 8am classes.

I first had to go see my supervisor for keys. My supervisor was what seemed like a mid-aged woman to me at that time. Thinking back, she was probably only in her mid 30s, which I wouldn’t consider as mid-aged anymore. “Mid-age” is a relative term. The older you are, the later you tend to push back the definition of “mid-aged” to make sure it stays far far away from yourself.

My supervisor didn’t like the fact that I was rarely on time. But I was one of the few students that was willing to take the 8am shift. 8am for college student is like 4am for normal working adults.

I found her in the cafeteria watching TV with other staff. I walked up to her worried if she would give me a lecture on my tardiness in front of everyone. To my surprise, when she turned around and saw me, she quickly reached out her arms towards me, cried,” Oh! Poor baby!! You must be very scared!!”, then pulled me into her chest, and gave me a tight, almost choking hug.
“What?” I asked!
“Didn’t you see the news?”
If I played back my morning for her, it would go like this: woke up, rolled out of bed, grabbed my backpack, ran to the shuttle stop, got on the shuttle, arrived at the parking lot, and ran here. That was when I and almost everyone I knew used cell phones made by Nokia. That was when all I did or could do with my cell phone was to either make phone calls or send text messages. I had no access to news without a computer or a TV. I had no smart phone!

My supervisor started to explain the news to me. I heard fragments of “world trade center”, “plane crash”, “hijacking”, etc.
I couldn’t comprehend what she was saying. I was more interested in getting the keys so I could open up the lab in time and have less angry students at the lab door waiting for me.

After I got away from my supervisor and arrived at the lab, there was already a line formed by students who looked as half asleep as I was only angrier. After checking everyone in and finally settling in at my desk, I checked news. The rest is history.

If 9/11 never happened, memories of my on campus job at the lab and my supervisor would have faded away just like it did for other random college jobs and the staff that came with it.
Funny how 9/11 created a link that connected my supervisor to me. Ten years later, I could still recall her voice, her face, her arms reaching out to me that morning.

I graduated 3 months later. It was a miserable time to be a fresh college graduate. The country was in despair.
Not knowing what the post 9/11 future would be, not having any hints of hope, I found myself at a cross road.

When I woke up this Saturday, I saw a huge American flag at my neighbor’s front porch.
“What’s so special today?” I asked my husband thinking July 4th passed a long time ago, I knew that!
“Its the 10 year anniversary of 9/11″.

Ten years! Wow!
How things have changed!
How things have remained the same!
Whatever I thought I couldn’t overcome at that time eventually find ways to work themselves out.
At the end of day, it’s not too bad.

Feedback on Positivies
1. Releveant for audience
2. Factual and logical
3. Eye contact
4. Humorous (really? I thought people were a little bored!)
5. Catch 22 reference
6. Little use of notes (when I did use it, I used it hard!)

====================================================
One Less Car to Save Money, Ourselves, and the World

The 405 freeway was closed for construction July 16th and 17th between its two busiest intersections, Santa Monica and 101 freeways. Local residents called it the weekend of Carmageddon.

A radio show after the weekend asked people to call in and talk about how their lives were affected by this event. One woman in Hollywood called in and said that her life was not affected at all. She said cars were overrated because her family of two plus a baby had been doing just fine with one car for a couple of years by then. She lives and works in Hollywood. She bikes everywhere. She bikes to work, bikes to go shopping. Her husband has a longer commute so he drives to work. On weekends, they share one car. I can’t remember the details of the baby’s arrangement. I seem to recall that she even takes her baby on a bike. After a while, they sold her car to become a one car family.

That was the moment the light bulb in my head went on!
Why does everyone need to drive their own car every day? It is not a birthright after all!

According to the NY times, in the US, families own an average of two and half vehicles per household, and more than 35 percent of households own three or more cars.
One car or two cars per family might not be right for every family. But is there room to downsize? Can we share a car? Starting from one day a week? Or use alternatives such as riding a bike, taking a bus or a train, or even walk? Some may say, “Oh!! But it is going to be very inconvenient.” or “I am losing my freedom” How much is that convenience or “freedom” costing us?

Base on data from AAA, in the year of 2010, it costs on average $8,500 a year to own or operate a car.
Can you use an extra $8500 a year? How many different ways can you think of to spend that $8500 on things other than cars?

Moreover, having less cars per family brings more than financial benefits. It provides a greener environment, reduces traffic, creates safer communities, and promotes more public transportation systems which in term produce more jobs. While people debate electric cars vs. hybrid vs. hydrogen cars, a simple, quick and easy method to conserve energy is to reduce the number of cars we own per household or how many times a week we drive our own cars.

Another strange car phenomenon is that we drive to the gym, get out of the car and get on the treadmill. Why not drive a little less, walk or bike a little more? It saves money on gym membership, gas, and you get to breathe fresher air than that stuffy and sweaty gym air.

Some might say the alternatives to cars, such as biking and walking, are unsafe. In the first example, the woman on Hollywood bikes everywhere and sometime bikes with her baby. I will admit that I was a little scared for her. The number one concern I have with biking in Torrance is also safety. We will continue to drive our cars rather than bike if safety remains a concern. More cars on the road make it more dangerous to be on a bike. It is a vicious cycle. Somehow this cycle must be broken so more people will bike or walk. A new awareness to drivers is needed so it becomes safer to bike. As it becomes safer to bike or walk, even more people will join in! How is that for a new and improved cycle!!

Every family has different circumstances. The important thing is to stop and question ourselves from time to time. Can we use one less car? Can we drive a little less to save money, ourselves and the world?

Although I had a report to start with, I pretty much had to rewrite it at the last minute to make it into a speech. During the speech, I forgot words/sentences. I think the Ah counter counted two digits repeated words. He said I used repeated words to fill in the blank stares. But the whole group was so nice and supportive. I still felt good afterwards.

I use to think receiving constructive criticisms is the best way to improve. Now, I am having second thoughts. Even though we don’t tell people what they did wrong, simply encouraging them to keep trying might get them to where they wanted as well. It might take longer. But it is a happier and less stressful journey.

=====================================================
When I first started working at John Deere, my former coworkers in the car navigation business cannot understand why tractors need GPS systems. “It is a wide open field”, they said, “How can you get lost?”
What most people including myself at that time did not know is that farmers have much higher demands on GPS technology than the consumer or even the military market. Agriculture has been quietly but rapidly revolutionized by GPS technology in the last ten years.
In this process, farmers are becoming more technology savvy than ever.

We visited Idaho in April.
The potato farmers here just started their planting season.

During the Idaho trip, we visited five farmers. It has truly been an eye opening experience for me. I found that not only our farmers can navigate current technology with ease, find creative ways to solve problems, they also have an open mind for new technology, and are good at coming up with ideas or demands for future products.

At the first farm, the owner pointed us toward a truck, and said,” we are about to load the seeds into the planter.”
“Where are the seeds”, we asked each other, “All we see are potatoes.”
After we uttered these words, we quickly realized that the seeds for potatoes are potatoes.
We were just glad the farmer didn’t hear this discussion.
But not all potatoes are good seeds. They have to have eyes, several of them!! Eyes are small holes on the potato for sprouting. After they pass the “eye” test, they are cut nicely and evenly into half to increase production.
It is a careful, manual selection process. But that’s where the manual process starts and ends.

From that point on, potatoes are automatically loaded into the planter, the planter is attached to the tractor that drives and steers itself in along a pre-calculated line. As the tractor goes down the field, the front of the potato planter opens up the dirt and digs a hole, the next part drops a potato seed in it, the last part closes the hole and smoothes over it. By now, a seed is planted.
It is a seamless operation but requires careful configuration to make sure everything is set up correctly. I watched an operator set this up with ease and impressive speed.

怀孕了，很久没有吃沙拉了。怀念沙拉，冰咖啡，生鱼片。

突然觉得感动
打算给某人挂个电话
同人不同命阿
要感恩

The chase of recognition from others in the society is the cause of other worries.
There will be no end to the chase since the control is given to the massive, mostly faceless population that forms the often judgmental “society”， who either can’t made up their minds or can be easily persuaded by the loudest voice in the crowd.

是非审之于己，毁誉任之于人，得失取之于数
无善无恶心之体，有善有恶意之动，知善知恶是良知，为善去恶是格物
就是这样。格物还得靠自己。