It was a slow and relaxed late Friday afternoon. Most people had gone home already. While finishing up the last bits of work, I felt excited about the coming weekend and contemplated attending the weekend speech contests. Then the news came. Her mother passed away.

It was a sunny Thursday morning. With no early meetings to get up in the dark and no lengthy afternoon meetings to dread, I was driving leisurely to work with cool, crisp, autumn air blowing into the car. At a stop light, I checked email. There it was. His mother passed away last night.

Before that Thursday, the news about Steve Jobs was plastered all over the web.

Once in a while, when you think everything is peachy, when you think you re-gain control of your life, when you think you are safe and protected and maybe even…invincible. Death bestows itself upon you to kick things out of balance. You are reminded of the ephemerality of life. You are reminded that death is not waiting at the end of the road, rather it walks among us.

The first time I watched Steve Jobs’ speech many years ago, I remembered, “Stay hungry, stay foolish.” Watching it again after the news of his death, his words on life and death resonate even more.

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

Friday morning, waking up from a restless sleep and thinking about all the sad news in the past week, I felt a little lost and unconfident of decisions I made in life right now.
I had to ask myself if I let unimportant things cloud my judgements and choices. The even harder question is what desires are quietly, and unknowingly driving me? Am I going down the right path?

The phone rang when I was having that fruitless conversation. I should have picked up the phone to join the other conversation instead of pursuing a losing argument.
I let the eager to win overrule the need to make the right choices for the right people. Now, that conversation didn’t solve anything, and the person I should talk to instead flew back and we never got to talk. If I stopped and reasoned with myself, I would have done it differently. But I pressed on…letting the foolish passion to win blind me.

Being an expecting mom for six months, I did not make the right adjustments or any adjustments at all. I am not paying attention to what’s important in life. I think I am simply lugging around the extra belly while trying hard to still keep up with my formal lifestyle and routine because I can’t let things go. I want it all and don’t want to give up anything. I am ignoring the fact that I need to make a choice now.

Life it short. I can’t do it all. I need to make a choice, and select what’s important to me.

Man are so weak!!
“I am so busy, I am so tired, I am so stressed….”
Try to do all that AND BE PREGNANT!! HUH??!

If more women would gave themselves more credit, more confidence, more self-respect….
We could easily take over the world from the weaker species….

Ugh!

2011 第二年 布婚
两周年既快又慢的到来。我们居然记不得具体的日期。还好查了去年结婚纪念礼物上面的刻字。才确定是23号！
两周年是布婚。送棉花和布制品。 于是我有了瑜伽包。洪飞得到了恐龙鸟的棉帽子。

肚子里快六个月的小宝宝正好用了早就起好的名字贾小布。
贾小布出现于网络很久了。从2000年开始，就一直是我们两个共用的小号。从早期论坛的灌水掐架到近期social netowork的偷菜一直都能看到他的身影。
没想到，贾小布终于在我们布婚的这一年有了肉身。真的很凑巧。

结婚两周年没有资格谈经验。婚姻绿卡政府都要等三年才发正式卡呢。
目前只能说我觉得婚姻既然是生活的一部分，和人生的道理就是差不多。
就好像上几周纪念911十年。回顾一下人生，就发现没有过不去的坎儿。当时觉得多难多不可能多么遥不可及的事情，只要坚持，就能迈过来，就能垂手而得。

重要的是，坚持什么。
当然是自己的心。

直觉是最会能屈能伸。 重视它，它便会发出强烈的感受。忽略压抑它，它就模糊不清。好好对待直觉，坚持什么，就不再是问题的。因为答案时刻在那里等着呢。很多矛盾，犹豫，徘徊，就是以外力和直觉去抗争。培养它跟随它，就能坚持住自己的心，跟随自己的心。

2010 第一年 纸婚
第一年是纸婚。我们当时不知道，于是送了对方iTouch。
周年那天，是周四。匆忙的来去，没有好好纪念。这是结婚周年纪念日前一个周末的照片。放这里，做第一个流年的代表。

2009 新婚
苏州婚纱，南昌婚礼，庐山参团，杭州度假，大连答谢。整个过程历时四个星期。

婚礼都是忙乱的，而杭州西湖最好玩。
柳岸闻莺橘子酒店西泠印社苏堤白堤，还有灵隐寺外婆家冬瓜茶。
可惜没去成龙井茶园。灵隐寺也没呆够。
最感人的是凌晨六点路边诚意送金桂的童鞋啊。

2008 订婚
2008年某周末，我看完了一个网络小说叫山楂树之恋。 之后，决心两个人在一起。

2001 最早的合照
我结婚之后吃洪飞做的饭，就开始胖。一直怪在他身上。有天洪飞突然兴奋的拿着这张照片给我看。说你看。你还赖我。你以前脸就很大。
我只能说，那是稚气未脱的婴儿肥。到我24，5岁就完全退去了。30岁结婚之后来袭的，是另外一种肥胖。唤做新城代谢减慢肥。

合照的时候我21，洪飞25。我婴儿肥洪飞民工瘦。
我们两个还经常各穿着硕大的蓝色T－shirt出门。一个是加菲猫一个是大力水手。多年后听说，被人评论为“巨难看的情侣衫”。

Lately, we have been getting patches of fog in the mornings that will hang around until after noon. By the time I leave for work, plants are still ornamented with visible dew.

Today the clouds moved in and stayed all day. We even had a few drizzle of rain falls in the morning.

Is summer really gone?

It is usually a steep step from summer to autumn. The temperature drops over night and next thing you know….its scarves, sweaters and Uggs season already. (OK. that was inaccurate. the Uggs never really left us completely even during summer….)

I like the change. The dazzling sun breaks the world into brightness and shadow, blazing air and cool shade.
But the overcast has a similar blending effect as snow that casts a shade of grey on everything and muddling the boundaries from earth to sky and everything in between.

I felt comfortable enveloped in this grey, wet air.